Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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