Quick, to the slutcave!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
