I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
