Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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