So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
