I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
