nut hugger
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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