I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My vagina is officially offended.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
