we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
