the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
