very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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