cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
