I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
