I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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