what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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