he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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