so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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