no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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