He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
