Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
