I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
