Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
