Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
