your thong is hanging out like whoa
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I understand Curling. That high.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
