I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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