Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
