Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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