I CAN MOONWALK!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Drake has all the answers
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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