Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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