Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
