the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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