You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
