I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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