so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
