I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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