im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
