Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
