you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
