I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
