god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
