Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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