This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
