Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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