you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
