I'm drive I can fine osifer
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's blow job season.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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