i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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