You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
