I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
