Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
