You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
