Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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